I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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