I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
