I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
