i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
