He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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