it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
