mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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