the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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