i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
