Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
