need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
