I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So much Jack, so little girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
