and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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