are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
handjob tips. give me some.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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