his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
