She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
