I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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