He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
