ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
