Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
