I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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