girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
