Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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