I got chris browned last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
