Swine flu. Run for my life!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
