i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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