I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
