Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just gift wrapped bread.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
