I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
