am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
