I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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