At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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