I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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