Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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