i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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