So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
