Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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