My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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