I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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