guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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