Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im part way to drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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