I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
