i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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