Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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