Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
