So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
