I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
