Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
