another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
