I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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