whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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