Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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