his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
