good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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