Where did you get a picture of my penis
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
