um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she peed on how many people?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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