Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
