I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
