My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
