i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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