I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
