Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
