If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
