help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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