White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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