Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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