in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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