i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
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You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
pray to the hookup gods
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