omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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