You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
