I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
