How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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