You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
