Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
