Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
