I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
