If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
