My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
