When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize