who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
