this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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